ReJanuarate

You remember Christmas, right guys? T’was a lifetime ago. Back in the previous decade. Way back then, my brother and I were preparing a trifle while discussing the not so trifling (boom) matter of raising money for his son, my nephew’s, mission to get to Kenya to rebuild villages. We love a Christmas trifle round here and let me tell you, veganism has been no impingement on the tradition. In fact this year may well have been my favourite trifle yet, for the sponge layer was delicious. (Recipe from Vegan Living magazine, RIP.) My brother, King of the Trifle, made two because he was going on to his wife’s family for Boxing Day and was supposed to make a trifle for them too. We ate both.

The man behind the trifle.

I digress. Trifle makes me.

My brother, Jae, tells me he’s going to give up booze, telly and sugar for January and because I love competition, challenges and improving as a person, I got really excited about joining his crusade. But I had to up the ante. My vices are coffee, scrolling social media and spending my money on clothes I don’t need and I wanted Jae to add meat and dairy to his challenge too. He was all for it.

Family Christmas Day portrait. The nephew hoping to visit Africa is the one getting a head pat from Uncle Gaz.

I even wrote a poem about it! Want to read it?

Life is better without

Scrolling, surfing and staring at screens

Coffee, sugar and spending on things

Find joy in your time, be kind to your mind and let your sunshine beam!

It does rhyme actually, if you make it.

What our family walks actually look like.

This challenge needed a name! We played around with a few before settling on ReJanuarate because everyone loves a month-pun and we wanted it to have a vibe of rejuvenation, not deprivation.

I made sure to spend the rest of December drinking so much coffee I hated myself. I ate all the chocolate all the time and stared at Instagram like it had hypnotised me, which I sometimes wonder could be true.

Jan 1st and we’re go.

Along with Jae’s wife Emma, who pledged to give up screens and sugar too (she already doesn’t drink and is nearly vegan, bar her thirst for the milk of goats) we put a post on Facebook announcing our challenge and sharing a link to my nephew’s fundraising page and asked our generous and lovely friends and fam to please donate to Troy’s cause, because what we’re attempting is really hard…

but…

I also loved it. I loved not drinking coffee. I loved not having heart palpitations and shaky hands. I loved not eating a bit of chocolate every day. Instead of feeling glutinous and soft around the edges, I started to feel pumped and proud. But you know, please still donate to Troy’s cause, even though I enjoyed myself.

I enjoyed not watching boxsets and instead found myself filling my time in more nutritious ways - we went for walks in the dark, I read more books, I did some cross-stitch (don’t laugh), I went swimming. My dad taught us to play snooker and even though my husband and I played on the same team and my dad is 74, he still beat us every time, but we got better. I potted three balls in a row, I’ll have you know.

We got ourselves in the habit of washing up and tidying the kitchen EVERY NIGHT. I called friends. I tried to learn Spanish (and lasted mere days.) I made more effort with dinner. These might seem like strange goals to celebrate but these little improvements to my days made me feel better about my ways (someone give this girl a laureate).

My husband gave me a Garmin smartwatch for Christmas. Oh what a well timed gift this turned out to be. A perfect storm of giving up Instagram at the same time as getting a gadget which counts my steps and praises me for activity means that I no longer spend my spare 30 seconds scrolling. I now spend it strolling!

Strolled ourselves about 18,000 steps along the Jurassic Coast.

Of course I did a handstand. Got to stay on brand.

I wrote about how much I love resolutions for Bella magazine and went up against the Feltz. I think I did alright, no?

Before you write me off as annoying, I did start to wane as February loomed slowly into sight. January is long, isn’t it? I wanted a coffee, I missed chocolate and I wanted to watch Sex Education on Netflix, which I knew had been released while I was on telly ban. I missed Instagram and knowing what my friends were up to. I’d posted a few pics myself during the month but hadn’t scrolled or ‘liked’ and I missed my pals! So, February 1st, I jumped back in like an addict. I did a mammoth scroll and liked about 1000 pictures I’d missed out on. Gave a few hilarious comments too, for anyone who had missed my puns.

I had two coffees, one panic attack and 482 heart palpitations. My new smartwatch even said to me ‘you seem stressed, do you want to do a breathing exercise?’ which it has not said to me at all during January. I think I might have been having a heart attack.

I spent the afternoon watching the Taylor Swift documentary in my pyjamas, eating ice-cream and feeling a lot less happy about my life choices than I had one day previously.

Challenge complete. Give me chocolate, give me Instagram, give me Netflix. And please give my nephew a tenner, if you can spare it. He’s ever such a lovely chap and he made me a better version of myself for a month. That’s got to be worth a quid or two.

Troy signs his cards: ‘Troy, the boy who brings the joy.’ You wouldn’t want to bet money on how proud that makes me.